Author: debutont

My life, Building Dreams CH. 1

I’ve always been a dreamer. My brain has always chased the million dollar idea. I have paid patent attorneys, created business plans, met with designers & gone to banks. I have always loved the process of inventing a business, the excitement of the chase.

I just love to pursue the little ideas. I would invest as much time & money as my life & family would let me. I’d build it, play with it & dream. Then life would get in the way & allow for no more.

I had to be practical, I had to be a mom, a significant other, I had to go to work & run a household. So my dreams came last & could only be pursued, when I had the extra time to play.

Years later, the kids are grown and gone, My significant other turned out to be, not so significant & there I am, just living a life on the road I ended up on. I was happy. But I wasnt living, I was just existing. Somehow, somewhere, something thing in me was completely missing.

In January of 2017, there was a very large snowstorm that lasted 3 weeks. Due to weather, school was cancelled and I was left, unable to work. 3 weeks at home with no pay and only a week of vacation time to cover my bills. What was I going to do.

I was 48. I had picked a career of teaching for the love of it & not the money. After 26 years of breaking my body on cement floors , All that I had was a mortgage & a very little retirement fund that looked more like a savings account. I was broke, lost & worried for my future.

This snow storm could have destroyed me. But instead it became, the most amazing & transitional moment in my life.

(I had 2 options.)

I could spend 3 weeks playing a weak victim, crying, complaining, worrying about money and bills. I could just give up, lose everything and spend years dwelling on the horrible circumstances that ruined my life.

Or

I could spend 3 weeks, standing strong. I could embrace the moment, pray for guidance & rethink my life, my job & my retirement plan, because I had none.

I decided I would fight, I would embrace the day!!! I would see the silver lining. I would take advantage of the time & use it to gain strength & create new opportunities for myself. Infact, I was not only going to survive this snow storm. I was going to come out, bigger, better and stronger because of it. I would rise above it!!! I would be the Phoenix.

I had to be willing to risk it all, to change my life. I was going to have to, dig deep & rediscover who I was. I needed to forget the mom, the teacher, the person society created. I needed to break the mold on my old life, stomp on it & throw it to the wind. I had to forget who I was & remember who I used to be, what fed my soul and made my spirit fly. I needed to follow my heart & I needed to stop procrastinating all the things I had been wanting to do. I had start acting on my dreams, feeding my ideas & supporting the part of my life that I had locked away. I had to “reopen” my box of dreams & commit.

After 15 years of procrastinating, I dusted off the paintbrushes, that I had put down so many years before & I began to paint whatever poured from my soul & my dreams. I just freed my mind & went looking for answers & a plan for my new life.

(in my mind I pondered & prayed)

“What could I do?? What could I be??? Could I financially survive long enough to even make it happen??? I was all by myself, could I do it all alone??? Who really was I??? Oh God please help me, find my way.”

(To be cont. next week)

What I did and how I did it!

Debbie Smalley (Deb’e)

Somewhere over the rainbow

By Israel Kamakawiwo’ole

https://www.amazon.com/StrengthsFinder-2-0-Tom-Rath/dp/159562015X

Sometimes we need guidance to help get us started on a new road. Especially if you are in search of Self or if your going on a soul search. It’s such a lifetime struggle, “Where do l even start to look??? & How do I even begin to understand myself. ” This is Especially true when you find yourself stuck in the daily grind or like most of us, you are financially restricted & can only afford the time to go home, to work or to the grocery store. Lol

It can be sooo hard to build new experiences or new opportunities in life if you have very little time & you feel lost in yourself.

I am not a big fan of anything that tells you what you should think, who you should be or how you should act.

I say ‘No Thank you!!! ‘, to anything that sounds like one of societies brainwashing, Simon Says, schemes. I do not appreciate people who waste my time or play games with my life. I am the one in the back or the front of the crowd saying!!!

“Rage Against the Machine!!!” , “Don’t Drink the Koolaid!!!” , “ASK THEM WHY???” Or “What do you mean I can’t use a butter knife for a screwdriver? I just did!” LOL

It doesn’t mean I don’t read things or look for interesting opportunities, people or things to learn from in the world. I am always open to expanding my journey. I love to see and learn new things. Who cares, if I will never remember all the details, the dates or names of everything. I learned along, long time ago. I would never be the scholar in life, so , I will never try to pass “your” test, if your that guy. I You will always let you be smarter than me & I will never enter the room thinking I know more than anyone else. Even when I do & I will always try to be humble with my approach, if I do.

I will always go into every situation ready to share my thoughts, if I have any. BUT, if a social environment seems too threatening or too hostile. I will recede to the edge of the crowd & quietly listen. I will observe the potential train wrecks to avoid. Then after listening & observing the different personalities. If there’s time. I will re- engage in a more intentional way or store what I learned about everyone & use it the next time to help me engage with them.

Years ago, everyone at my work was given a book called, Strength Finders 2.0

If you buy it… You have to buy it NEW not used ,

Each book has its own individual code inside the cover. It will link you to a testing sight. It’s super quick and easy!!!

I know…. (grumble, grumble, bah humbug, I don’t need anyone to tell me who I am!!!) well at least that was the attitude I had before I took the 5 min. test. I thought. “I don’t have time to read this stupid book.” lol. But it’s the best book I never had to read!!!!

When I was finished, the computer spit out a list of my top 5 strengths in life. I was amazed to read them. Everything was spot on. Now you might think, “why do I need to know about myself, I am with me everyday. No one knows me better then myself.”

SOOO WRONG!!! I don’t care how many personality tests you’ve gone through. This test is completely different. It gave me a new perspective & a new positive insights to think about. I had never been taught to study my strengths. I knew the things I was good at, but this is different. These strengths you learn about are completely different than the things your good at. All though it may also give you a clearer understanding of why you seem to excel at certain things , but maybe not others.

This book didn’t just help me learn more about myself, it helped me get to know my co workers, in a safe & non intrusive way. If your a boss, who wants to make a difference in the work place & wants to get to know the strength of your crew. This is an amazing tool.

Infact, this test was sooo helpful and so eye opening. That I bought one for all the kids in my house. It was soo helpful, in clarifying some mysteries. It was also amazing to see what everyones strengths were. Now the kids in my house were much older & truly young adults. They were all out of school, trying to make there way. They were already pretty set in there ways. But still, this book helped me find ways to help them, to communicate with them & learn better ways to nurture there strengths & encourage growth. It also helped me relate to them on a more positive level. Though it was unintended, It was the cheapest family counseling tool I could of ever invested in.

If you want to have a more peaceful understanding of your family. This book will help strengthen your love & understanding of who each person is as an individual. You will see a night and day difference in your perception of your family, its amazing. Your entire approach will change & your relationships with everyone, will not only grow, they will become stronger in love, respect & mutual understanding. For my life & my family, this book was a truly a game changer.

I have had to participate in a lot of brainwashing bull crap in my career. That says a lot coming from me. I was not open minded about learning anything from this book. I did not want to put any energy toward it or the reason behind receiving it.

But within 10 min. of taking the test. My life & attitude about its benefits, would completely change.

“Here’s to my ole beautiful boss lady & friend… Thanks Laura!!! 💋 Look at you changing my life. Xoxo”

I give it 5 ⭐️stars

Debbie Smalley (Deb’e)

Life is such a beautiful thing. There is always a surprise around every corner!

Sometimes you just have to makes your own moments. Last night I added an extra 15 min. To my nightly commute.

I just , STOPPED, for a moment, in the parking lot, of Idaho Pizza Company, when I went to grab a salad. I came out with every intention of going straight home, to eat. But, there it was, a beautiful moment. So I just sat quietly watching the sky, as the sun said goodnight.

It was a beautiful day!

Debbie Smalley ( Deb’e)

When given a choice in life, reach up, not down.

Debbie Smalley (Deb’e)

Life’s journeys are around us every minute of everyday. We need not go anywhere or anyplace to experience them. Each day, we choose our destiny, we make our road and we choose what direction to take. We decide if we will travel in the negative or the positive lane everyday, in every moment of our life.

We don’t always choose the scenery that we venture past or the things that happen along the way. We do however decide how we choose to view it, what we choose to do with it & how we decide to let it effect the outcome of our experience.

Is it just a passing moment, the forgotten scene or is it something you will view repeatedly; Putting it on the map of your life, to review over & over again. Will it help shape the road your creating or will it be the pothole you keep stepping in along the way.

There is a positive or negative lesson to be learn in every moment, in every life, you will see what you seek. If you think you already know everything you need to know. Chances are, you are absolutely right & you have indeed learned everything you are ever going too know. You may as well put, THE END!! on the rest of your life experiences, because you have mentally limited yourself & you no longer have room for spiritual growth. You are stagnant.

I choose to treat each day as its own journey. I will forever be surprised by the all the moments each one brings. I look forward to tomorrow & smile knowing it is like a gift I have not yet opened.

Tomorrow is always a new day & Today I will Reach higher than I did yesterday.

Debbie Smalley (Deb’e)

Only 1% of life’s experiences are about the things that happen to you, the other 99% is how you choose to react to it.

(Someone said & I once read)

`The value of one single conversation with one human being, at one point in your life, is inestimable’

Donal Dineen

The story and presence of Connor Walsh, a deceased composer from Ireland, only confirmed to me what I have always believed. We never know how our presence on this earth impacts the world & everyone in it.

We all wake each day generally self absorbed in our own self. Often determining the value of our presence in the world or in the day, by those first few seconds our eyes are opened. Sometimes just giving up, before we even get up. Thinking this is not my day.

I am lucky that my attitude & will is strong enough to fight against, my own, bad natures. If I wake up in a rain cloud. I make it a point to get angry & annoyed, at the rainy day attitude. Then I resentfully get up, take a deep breath, grab an umbrella & stomp in the puddles until I laugh at the messes I’ve made. I persist & I persist, until my heart embraces, the dance in the rain. I REFUSE to have a bad day & I will win.

This morning I set out to write about my dreams & my airbnb journey. The next thing I know, one squirrel chased another, down the rabbit hole, only to discover. The tragic death of a musician from Ireland called, Connor Walsh, whom died in March of 2016. I still have not heard his music nor even found his cause of death. All though I get the feeling, he may have taken his own life.

However I read an article, by Donal Dineen. It really just spotlighted a moment that he had with Connor. How a walk in the woods, with a man he barely knew, impacted both their lives. It was just an uneventful moment to most, but to Donal, it was a lifetime event, that changed his life. It confirmed once again, that we may go our entire lives never knowing that we changed someone else’s life, just by existing.

In the last 5 days, I lost two amazing friends. Their presence in my life changed me. They had done nothing special, but they each brought so many heartfelt moments to my life. Just knowing them, forever changed who I am.

(Story time:)

On Monday afternoon, I was sitting outside on my porch, taking a break from my renovation project. It was a chilly, breezy, sunny day. It could not decide if it should snow or shine. Of course as usual, my eye was on the sky & my camera came out to catch the most beautiful cloud formations as they formed in the sky & began to drift past me.

I was thinking about my dog, Mogley, who had suddenly passed 3 days before. I was Quietly saying Hi, as I pictured him, running to heaven on those beautiful clouds. Wishing for a moment of clarity & confirmation, that he was there. Talking to God & all the spirits of my past, praying they would be on the look out, for his beautiful soul. Feeling his presence as I continued to snap shots. I was just sitting in awe, as I gazed at the most beautiful sky’s. Truly, obsessed with the wonder of it all.

A couple hours later, my friend and I reviewed my photos, looking for life in the clouds. (It’s a fun game we play). We both saw that I had captured, the most beautiful profile, of a man looking up at the light with an angel flying above his head & I also found my dog running along the cloud line, in the bottom right hand corner. It was a moment that made our hearts smile.

That evening I received a call, informing me that, our friend , Dustin, had died in his sleep that afternoon. Now, Some may say that I just took a picture of the clouds. But, I believe I captured the beautiful moment when, love opened up in the sky & the heavens, met the earth, for just a moment of hellos & goodbyes.

Goodbye to my 2 sweet beautiful friends, Dustin Rodriguez & Mogley. Your presence changed the world, you will be forever missed.

Debbie Smalley (Deb’e)

I Can See Clearly Now by Jimmy Cliff

Goodbye Mogley you will be forever missed.

Check out this video on YouTube:

If your struggles are many & often!!!!??? You need to evaluate your own actions. You need to ask if this is a life you are creating for yourself or is this just one of life’s uncontrollable circumstances.

We must be honest and true to ourselves. We must humble our hearts and take responsibility for our lives. Don’t beat yourself up. Find a loving way to see that your struggles are real. They are painful, they can deeply injure & make us feel defeated or weak. But they can be stopped!!!

To beat them, you must beat yourself in your own game. You must be strong, stand up & get a new attitude to fight this mental battle of will inside yourself, you must be willing to change bad habits, leave bad situations and kick the negative people and places out of your way. Get up, get real & get out!!! Push the darkness out of your way & let the better life win.

We may not control the things that happen to us, but we certainly control the way we react to them.

We must stop casting the blame to the past. If we are to move forward & progress in life.

You can not be happy in life if you refuse to get out of your own way.

Debbie Smalley (Deb’e)

Forge the metal through the fire.

Forgive the lack in the broken ones.

Give love To those who need it.

Share your food when you have none,

Live by faith when you are weak and you think you can’t go on.

Push yourself when you are tired.

Stand tall, keep moving on,

This life will keep on giving, to the meek and to the strong.

As long as we move forward, on this road life’s put us on.

Debbie Smalley (Deb’e)

REACH!!!